"cheating"... taken from my livejournal

[.honeyspider.]

i just thought i'd put this in here.. maybe im after advice, maybe i just wanted you guys to know the update on whats goin on with the ex thing and warren... maybe im just lokin for answers that aint going to happen.. i dont know.. but its from my livejournal entry this morning....

check it out and let me know what u think..........


"ahh crap i just wrote a mega long entry which got wipped.. hehe ok start again, i was just sayin i spent all wkend with the fam, and unfortunately saw my ex. hes hooked up with the chick he cheated on me with.. and shit it hurts. even tho i dont want him and i luv what i have with warren, it fucking hurts.

i feel like i have put on 30 kilos, grown a beard, jumped 10 storeys and landed with two broken legs then some kung fu guy has come and ripped my heart out mortal kombat style, all in the space of 30 seconds from when he told me.


i dont know how people can do it without thinking of how much it fucking hurts the other person involved. i am so naive to think that it couldnt happen to me i guess... it just hurts me so much to think... oh i dont want to think about it...

im at home today i couldnt go into work, i just want to see warren. i havent seen him since friday and its driving me insane. well, also i feel like shit koz of what i heard bout the ex, its just bringing up old feelings about it, hurt horrible awful depressing feelings and its making me feel like shit to tell u the truth. i have worked so hard to try and love myself and this fucking happens. i just dont understand why GUYS like cheating on me!!!!!!!!!!! its bullshit. is there one guy in the whole fucking world that would like to go out with me and NOT cheat? i know i know... my warren hasnt and i doubt he ever would koz hes the sweetest thing imaginable, but i swear to god i am on my last legs with this shit. i dont know how i would handle it happening again, koz everytime i think about whats happened with the ex, i just, i dont know i just cant handle it, which is what u may have just noticed... but its so hard. especially not having anyone to talk to about it and tell me its ok. i mean i dont want to bother warren with it all, koz i know for a fact he'd rather not hear about my ex u know? koz he wants to kill the bastard anyway no doubt! hehe

but u know what im saying? u cant bring up that stuff all the time... i mean i am over the relationship, but i am still not over the fact that someone cheated on me, AGAIN.

it makes u wonder what ur doing wrong.........

maybe i'm just not sexy enough...

who knows?"

www.livejournal.com/users/thehoneyspider/

so there u go..........

[SPchick]

Donna
I'm going to your journal right now to write you a tasty little reply. Dont worry too much love!

[.honeyspider.]

thanx v ill check it out xxxxxxxx

[trev]

honeyspider said:

i feel like i have put on 30 kilos, grown a beard, jumped 10 storeys and landed with two broken legs then some kung fu guy has come and ripped my heart out mortal kombat style, all in the space of 30 seconds from when he told me.

Yeah, i know what you mean, i felt that way the first time jenni told me she had picked up after we broke up. Sure it was 3 months later, but i was a mess, and it hurt just to think of someone with her..... i can only imagine what you saw being about 1,000 times worse

honeyspider said:

but u know what im saying? u cant bring up that stuff all the time... i mean i am over the relationship, but i am still not over the fact that someone cheated on me, AGAIN.

Well, no, i think you should be talking about it with lots of people. it's a big thing, you shouldn't feel like you have to go through it alone in your head.
It wasn't untill i talked to HEAPS of people about my mess that i started getting over it properly, and at that stage i was past the point of feeling like i didn't want to bother them, it got to the stage where i really NEEDED some help, and i felt like life owed me something because i was so messed up, and basically became selfish taking whatever help people would give me. And you find out that the people that are worth keeping as friends don't see helping you as annoying or a bother, it's what they want to do.
Maybe you should give warren a chance to help you? or anyone, but he's your closest friend. I'm sure you have lots of friends that would rather try and help you than see you go through shit on your own....

honeyspider said:

it makes u wonder what ur doing wrong.........

maybe i'm just not sexy enough...

who knows?"

No, not the case. No one cheats on someone because they are not sexy enouogh, or not nice etc. blah blah blah, it's because they are the type of person who will cheat, rather than break up first and then move on. It's TOTALLY to do with them, not you, do you really think these guys wouldn't cheat on you if you even looked like a supermodel? of course they would, it's waht they do. They are sick of one relationship, so they move on without the guts to break up first. Your just "the girl" to them, nothing would have made a difference....

Basically if anyone wants to break up with someone they have 2 choices - either get it over with or move on to someone else first. Whichever they decide is a reflection of THEM, not you.

[demi sex god from hell]

that was well said trev.

[.honeyspider.]

wow thanku i won't say anymore koz u know how i feel about it trev.. but thanku