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Post by paleprincess on Jul 2, 2003 21:55:19 GMT 7
I'm not sure if I'm the only one here who this has happened to, but........ before you were in a full on relationship, you imagined that one day, when you had that special someone, you would love them so much and they would feel the same about you. But when you entered this relationship you realised that you were that to them.... but they werent the one you love, and to break up would destroy them. how do you handle this?  |
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Post by anti on Jul 3, 2003 10:34:16 GMT 7
i hate to be so cold but..
theres no use being in a relationship that your not interested in.
you will be lying to yourself and it will become a chore speaking to them.
not to mention the guilt you will feel as the relationship moves on and you realise the other person thinks you feel the same way they do. It will hurt the other person more when you break up after a longer period of time.
You might as well be truthful and tell them now
soryy if i wasnt any help
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Post by paleprincess on Jul 3, 2003 14:45:30 GMT 7
youre very right
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Post by SPchick on Jul 6, 2003 19:15:20 GMT 7
staying in a relationship simply to save the other person pain, is going to be damaging for the both of you.
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Post by blue_june_destroyer on Jul 8, 2003 19:10:35 GMT 7
...there's no easy way to tell someone to fuck off.
sorry for the harshness, but those kind of people are not going to be the understanding and forgiving types.
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Post by paleprincess on Jul 8, 2003 20:40:44 GMT 7
true june, very true
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Post by blue_june_destroyer on Jul 9, 2003 18:42:22 GMT 7
Please, call me Bree.  |
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Post by paleprincess on Jul 9, 2003 21:51:55 GMT 7
cool
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whir
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Post by whir on Jul 10, 2003 14:30:16 GMT 7
what if you don't know if you love them or not... its not a chore to speak to them but you find things monotonous and boring and don't relly find the other person that interesting anymore?
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Post by paleprincess on Jul 10, 2003 15:19:38 GMT 7
I wouldnt know how to handle that |
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whir
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smoke like liquid risen
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Post by whir on Jul 11, 2003 4:14:18 GMT 7
i know that the person i'm with isn't the person i want to spend the rest of my life with. but its kinda hard to break up at the moment, and it would be proably better for both of us if we just wait untill its a but easier to.i know it sounds harsh but seriously it the only thing i can do.
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Carlie
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Post by Carlie on Jul 11, 2003 12:19:14 GMT 7
i think i know what you mean... If you dont wanna break up why dont u suggest a 'break'. Because it sounds like you just need some time apart.
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Post by paleprincess on Jul 11, 2003 13:12:48 GMT 7
if it's comfotable to stay with them for the time being, then stay. maybe you'll end up drifting apart anyway.
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Post by .honeyspider. on Jul 14, 2003 10:45:18 GMT 7
yeh i know what u mean.. i often find myself wondering too much whether the person i am with thinks that about me *in general dont stress trev darlin* i mean whether they are in it koz they feel as strongly as i do or not.. because sometimes people just arent honest about it. but i guess thats what i luv so much about trev, *sorry guys i had to say it hehe*.. i mean hes completely honest whether it in the end means it may hurt me or not.. its the truth and its coming from the heart... and that is the best way to be. its hard to be that way but its better in the long run. u cant stay with someone who u like.. but dont 'love' or whatever the case may be, its not fair on either of u.
if u doubt ur feelings that much, its best to let it go, and maybe even TRY to be friends *tho that is hard too* and see if ur feelings change or grow or whatever...
make sense?
hope so! ;D
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Post by AlmostOz on Jul 14, 2003 16:24:39 GMT 7
i know that the person i'm with isn't the person i want to spend the rest of my life with. but its kinda hard to break up at the moment, and it would be proably better for both of us if we just wait untill its a but easier to.i know it sounds harsh but seriously it the only thing i can do. im in the same situation i don't want to marry this girl but im having a good time right now, so i keep with her. its like that pale - maybe your not just as in love with him as he is with you? i know it happens in my relationship we drift in and out of each other |
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Post by .honeyspider. on Jul 24, 2003 14:30:02 GMT 7
i know that the person i'm with isn't the person i want to spend the rest of my life with. but its kinda hard to break up at the moment, and it would be proably better for both of us if we just wait untill its a but easier to.i know it sounds harsh but seriously it the only thing i can do. its not better for u in the long run.. u should just try and be friends until you KNOW *and if u already know u dont want to be with her forever there is no point keeping her, its selfish aswell because she could be free to find someone who does want to spend forever with her, but she is with u thinking that u want to be with her forever..* (get my drift) .. that way u arent staying with them and their feelings towards u arent growing to a point where you might break their heart completely because they never knew how u felt about it. maybe u should talk to them about ur mixed up feelings and see if they want to continue.. at least that way if they do want to stay with u.. u had warned them previously.. if in the future u decide to break things off for good. |
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Post by blue_june_destroyer on Jul 24, 2003 18:58:40 GMT 7
if you don't see this person sharing the future with you, then it's not right to be with them.
you're just torturing yourself and wasting their time.
if you're with them because you have a good time together then for god's sakes --- just be FRIENDS. there's no use being in a relationship if one of you don't want to make it happen.
maybe this is just me, being 22 and all that.
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Post by .honeyspider. on Sept 8, 2003 15:15:46 GMT 7
I'm not sure if I'm the only one here who this has happened to, but........ before you were in a full on relationship, you imagined that one day, when you had that special someone, you would love them so much and they would feel the same about you. But when you entered this relationship you realised that you were that to them.... but they werent the one you love, and to break up would destroy them. how do you handle this? i guess thats what happened to me and trev huh |
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Carlie
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Post by Carlie on Sept 9, 2003 17:49:46 GMT 7
yeah i think so. But what sucks is that you'll probably never really know if they are the one for you unless you get involved. Its obvious you and trev care alot about eachother which makes the break up so much harder; obviously coz he doesn't want to hurt you.
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Post by .honeyspider. on Sept 10, 2003 14:36:22 GMT 7
yeah i think so. But what sucks is that you'll probably never really know if they are the one for you unless you get involved. Its obvious you and trev care alot about eachother which makes the break up so much harder; obviously coz he doesn't want to hurt you. yeah i guess.... oh by the way carlie.. things r ok with us at the moment.. its still hard though.. i will call u later in the week and we shall chat... |
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Post by kanzax on Sept 15, 2003 17:20:40 GMT 7
maybe this is just me, being 22 and all that. yeah, it is.  sometimes relationship experience is good. i know its taught me a whole heap about how to deal with certain types of people. |
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Post by psalmblackdecember on Nov 27, 2003 21:18:33 GMT 7
i have been on the other end of that.
and i guess i am stating the obvious but it hurts like hell to find out the person you love doesent feel the same way about you. but telling them is the right thing to do. dont do anything stupid and move on without telling them...
becase i've been there too. its hard enough to deal with somebody not wanting you, but them being unfaithful as well is double the blow.
so talking to them is the right thing to do. be brave. because in the end its what is roght for everybody.
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Carlie
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Post by Carlie on Nov 30, 2003 13:00:41 GMT 7
damn straight
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Post by AlmostOz on Nov 30, 2003 15:03:14 GMT 7
i loved her so much and she didn't. now its the other way round, we broke up and got back together, but its like role reversal its funny we laugh sometimes. (haha i almost quoted myself and commented on it in this thread) do you mean cynical bree? |
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Post by .honeyspider. on Dec 4, 2003 9:16:02 GMT 7
i loved her so much and she didn't. now its the other way round, we broke up and got back together, but its like role reversal its funny we laugh sometimes. (haha i almost quoted myself and commented on it in this thread) do you mean cynical bree? lol funny stuff |
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Post by hypersomnia on Mar 13, 2004 8:09:01 GMT 7
sharing personal details in my second post? golly.. it's kind of whack but..
from the original post.. i was in the same situation. i suppose it felt like i was the main thing that kept my boyfriend happy at the time and yet i didn't see myself with him long term and it was incredibly obvious that he sort of.. was ready to settle down almost
we were/are best friends for 2 years so, prior to dating, things were already very serious emotionally thus entering the 'relationship' stage was a mammoth step in itself.. with that whole fear of it ending and fucking up what we had... 14months further down the road and i had my doubts.
for my part it was largely due to timing.. coming out of year 12 and entering Uni... being the sort of person who desired to meet new people and attempt to discover everything life had to offer etc etc
and he was happy (well not really) with where he lived.. working the few hours he did a week.. and hanging out with the boys.. and having me there with him
i was chasing life at the time and felt too young to settle down with someone..so in that way we became polar opposites and like people have said..... you can begin to resent them for the guilt they make you feel when you question breaking up with them and this only turns the relationship into negative bitchiness for the most part.
i know because i became the bitch.. i loved him as a friend but i knew i didn't feel what he felt.. and that realisation in itself made me feel like a horrible person.. staying in the relationship longer, as i did for a while, only increased angsty feelings towards myself... because, despite what i felt for them, i was cheating myself by continuing it.. and bullshitting him... when you question a relationship and remain in it.. if and when it finally ends it'll probably come as a shock to the other person and yet you'll have been thinking about ending it for months..
that stuff is bollocks... if you doubt it take some space.. move away from it and assess what you want from yourself, from life, from the person you're with
don't stay with someone so as to not hurt their feelings... because you're important too and you're only going to fuck the both of you up in the long run
in saying that.. it is difficult to remain friends afterwards.. you do need space from each other.. and if it is over you need to make that clear.. you can' really suggest a 'break' and then decide you're over it without informing them of the finality of it all
because people can cling to any little thing you give them that might be an indication of hope for a future between the both of you... i say this from personal experience though... i've had the situation reversed and was fool enough to cling to an idea for well on 3 years... and i've seen my ex doing the same thing and it's painful to know that you've caused that... that you're the person who can help someone out.. yet you're also the problem that person is trying to overcome
that can be/will be difficult when close relationships end...
i just prattled so much non-sensical shit, i apologise for a lack of precision in my writings.
Basically: Be honest with yourself and your partner if you're questioning things. See what they've got to say about it and if what they say of your relationship finds you wanting to stick with it.. but do not stick with a relationship because you're afraid of hurting the other person when you know it isn't what you want.
you've a responsibility to your own happiness just as you do for others.. theres a whole world of things to learn and experience out there so don't settle for things you feel aren't what you're after.
you might find you fucked up and were wrong and want to return to what you had.. that's what life is.. respect and enjoy that.
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Post by .honeyspider. on Mar 13, 2004 9:39:47 GMT 7
wow sarah u just ahve all the answers dont u  good to see u in here btw.. cant wait for the big 18th *wink wink* im still takin u out to get u smashed lovey.. anyway, what u said rings so SO true to me, i think im gonna end up having a big ol' d + m with u about this sometime soon.. its so true. when u break up koz one person didnt feel as strongly as the other, its hard.. the person who broke it off feels like shit koz they still care, and the other person, well they at times think the breaker doesnt care.. and they hang on to little things thinking maybe they will get back together or realise they really DO want the person again. anyway i have been on both sides of this too.. more recently the person who was broken up with of course.. but u all know about that.. so i wont go there! but yeh... on the other side.. which i dont touch on a hell of a lot.. when u break it off with someone because u only want friendship.. it is very fucking hard.. harder than the person who got "dumped" thinks.. and for those who actually do stay friends.. there are millions who dont.. because of those reasons.. its hard, its confusing at first.. its a tough battle to get to a comfy rel.ship.. and even things like when u both find other people... oooh dont even go there! anyway.... i dont know what im saying anymore so ill stop.. but it was good to hear ur story sarah.. xx luv ya xx d |
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Post by hypersomnia on Mar 13, 2004 10:19:47 GMT 7
let's combine the d&m with the getting trashed, record it and see what we come up with |
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Post by .honeyspider. on Mar 14, 2004 9:02:00 GMT 7
let's combine the d&m with the getting trashed, record it and see what we come up with hehe good idea.. email me ur mobile number so we can catch up on ur birthday ok? xx i dont think ive got it yet thehoneyspider@hotmail.com |
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Post by AlmostOz on Mar 14, 2004 10:02:45 GMT 7
ive been through that too what a wise post sarah |
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