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Post by AlmostOz on Nov 10, 2003 17:32:50 GMT 7
You go out with someone for a length of time. THen you break up, because many small things or whatever culminate into you not feeling like you want to be with that person anymore. you just don't even know why you break up sometimes.
However yes, you promise that youll be friends.
This doesn't exactly follow those lines of friends. its more like "friends".
this is because one person (the dumper) thinks that the other is geniunely trying to be friends, while the other is hoping that by being friends they will get them back.
so you end up hooking up and stuff like that.
then you get back together, and start off on a new bubble that may pop in the future. on which the cycle will probably start again. ive done it to my gf and shes done it to me.
does anyone know of anyone else that this has happened to. breaking up then gettin back together?
seems to me like relationships only head in a set direction.
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Post by .honeyspider. on Nov 11, 2003 12:04:55 GMT 7
i have a similar situation.. not exactly the same though. trev and i know we just want to be friends but at the moment we are going through a transition phase where we go back to 'more than friends' at times and are happy doing so. its a good way to ease your self out of the relationship if u are close enuf and are strong enuf to know where it is going in the end... anyway its a complicated issue with us, so if that didnt make sence, let me know and ill try and explain it better, but yeah... i know what u mean... friends becoming lovers again etc.. its a tricky issue  |
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Post by sunky on Nov 11, 2003 18:37:53 GMT 7
i was in that situation with my previous gf before Bree [over 2.5yrs ago now] ... We broke up - becuase we were just so busy with everything, i found out later that the 'real' reason was she didn't want to be with me and didn't have the guts to say so at the beginning. So people if you don't wanna be with that person, tell them straight away - don't fucking lead them on ... it only leads to hurt. Don't leave that 'hope' feeling in them stay ... it doesn't help you or them make a fresh start.
So for 3 months we did this we are 'friends' and everynow and then 'more than friends' things ... works for some ... but not for me. I personally couldn't handle it - i wanted to be with her. I wanted the relationship we had. It was hard for me to see the truth, i liked her friends and i liked the fact I was getting away from old friends who i didn't get along with, as I more in common with her and her friends.
However - it wasn't until she 'met' somebody new and told me straight - it ain't happening again. Even though for ages she had told me that we would get back together. I was litterally fucked over and heart broken. This is where the depression kicked in.
But - lucky i saw it as a positive, thanks to some sp friends off the old o-board [bree, miss v, trev etc etc] helped me see that it was this that was holding me back from moving on.
By the way, Im no longer friends with my ex. Basically she changed alot after we broke up, not a kind person to be around anymore.
Once i decided move on, say goodbye to her and her friends ... yes i was totally lonely, and empty ... but once I moved on and worried about my life things turned around.
I then decided to meet this girl off the internet, first time i had ever met a person off the net, 16 months later we are still together, stronger and happier than ever.
Relationships don't have to take that road of breaking up and getting back together ... if hasn't worked once, its safe to say that its not gonna work again. You'll just be cheating yourself and the other person out of enjoying their life and experiencing it by meeting new people.
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Post by AlmostOz on Nov 12, 2003 13:08:46 GMT 7
poor honeyspider ill look after you. "if you set it free and it returns, it was meant to be. If it doesn't it was meant to be free" - storytellers vh1 try try try story. i think thats really true sunky, i seem to cheat myself short of things a lot of times  sorta lie to myself. its wierd |
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Post by sunky on Nov 12, 2003 13:17:22 GMT 7
"if you set it free and it returns, it was meant to be. If it doesn't it was meant to be free" - storytellers vh1 try try try story. i think thats really true sunky, i seem to cheat myself short of things a lot of times sorta lie to myself. its wierd i lived my life by that quote for many months after my ex and i broke up. Being honest with yourself is the hardest thing to do ... becuase you know whats going to happen when you are honest to yourself. As long as you put yourself first and take of yourself after a breakup. thats the most important thing. |
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Post by .honeyspider. on Nov 12, 2003 14:55:19 GMT 7
poor honeyspider ill look after you. "if you set it free and it returns, it was meant to be. If it doesn't it was meant to be free" - storytellers vh1 try try try story. hehe thanx..  its ok, i am fine about the whole situation now.. i will be alright  |
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Post by AlmostOz on Nov 12, 2003 16:46:29 GMT 7
im finding it funny that you lived by that quote to although we were at opposite ends. i set it free to see if it returned.
i think everyone is afraid of being hurt, but its not actually that bad, eventually youll move on and stop hurting. even my gf said to me "i think it was the best idea ever that you broke up with me", while when we weren't going out i was told i was silly, i had changed etc.
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Post by .honeyspider. on Nov 17, 2003 5:28:18 GMT 7
i think everyone is afraid of being hurt, but its not actually that bad, eventually youll move on and stop hurting. even my gf said to me "i think it was the best idea ever that you broke up with me", while when we weren't going out i was told i was silly, i had changed etc. reading that i feel a little crazy... because i agree.. ~ wow is donna moving on? lol.. NEVER! *evil grins*~ i mean, i also think it was the best idea trev and i broke up.. because it has brought us closer, much closer than before.. and before we broke up, i was a complete emotional and physical mess from not being able to be comfortable within myself.. and it showed in our relationship and the timing was wrong for us...... ....and now, i am on the way to being at ease.. well on the way, and i feel more confident and happy than before because we both know what we want for now.. and whatever happens in the future happens. the hurting does go down in size... it is never as bad as it was when it first happened.. if that is worth anything ;D (seeing as u just said that alomst oz) |
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Post by anti on Nov 17, 2003 17:55:24 GMT 7
i think when you are in a relationship you really want you are blind to obvious signs that it isnt working. Sometimes its only when you have lost evrything that you realise how wrong it was.
at least i have close friends who are willing to get me drunk when that happens
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Post by toolgasm on Nov 17, 2003 19:11:12 GMT 7
i think when you are in a relationship you really want you are blind to obvious signs that it isnt working. Sometimes its only when you have lost evrything that you realise how wrong it was. at least i have close friends who are willing to get me drunk when that happens lol where would we be without those close friends Shaun... I think what you said is exactly right cause my last relationship was a perfect example of that. I was over the moon, so deeply in love that I thought everything was perfect, when in fact it wasn't. That's why the breakup came so suddenly to me, and why it was such a shock. It took me about a month and a half to get over it, and to finally agree and say "Yeah, now that my eyes are clear I can see that it wasn't meant to work out." But it was still a good experience to have under my belt |
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Post by .honeyspider. on Nov 19, 2003 7:23:54 GMT 7
lol where would we be without those close friends Shaun... I think what you said is exactly right cause my last relationship was a perfect example of that. I was over the moon, so deeply in love that I thought everything was perfect, when in fact it wasn't. That's why the breakup came so suddenly to me, and why it was such a shock. It took me about a month and a half to get over it, and to finally agree and say "Yeah, now that my eyes are clear I can see that it wasn't meant to work out." But it was still a good experience to have under my belt oh so true... god u freaked me out with those comments because i know i was doing that too. i still think that it wasnt as bad as 'breaking up' material with me and trev.. but i was under 'false impressions' due to my deep love for him and my blindness that things were 'perefect' when they werent and hence when we broke up it was a bit of a shock.. and i thought later down the track *like in the last couple of months* that if i hadnt been so blind to it.. then we couldnt worked out our differences earlier and stuff. anyway its all good.. friends shall be there.. and they shall get us all drunk (hey shaun *wink wink*)....and we shall be fine ;D its a bad thing to leave a relationship.. but it is SUCH a growing experience too. i believe that breaking up with trevor.. or him breaking up with me.. has been such a learning curve and i have become a better person for it and am on the way to becoming the best i can be within myself.. and i think that happens to so many people. as long as u take the positives from it.. not all the negatives |
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Post by anti on Nov 19, 2003 8:43:31 GMT 7
its a bad thing to leave a relationship.. but it is SUCH a growing experience too. i believe that breaking up with trevor.. or him breaking up with me.. has been such a learning curve and i have become a better person for it and am on the way to becoming the best i can be within myself.. and i think that happens to so many people. as long as u take the positives from it.. not all the negatives EXACTLY! if there is anything which makes me feel better in a bad breakup is that i feel it has made me a little stronger and i have learnt a little bit about myself |
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Post by toolgasm on Nov 19, 2003 15:33:34 GMT 7
oh so true... god u freaked me out with those comments because i know i was doing that too. i still think that it wasnt as bad as 'breaking up' material with me and trev.. but i was under 'false impressions' due to my deep love for him and my blindness that things were 'perefect' when they werent and hence when we broke up it was a bit of a shock.. and i thought later down the track *like in the last couple of months* that if i hadnt been so blind to it.. then we couldnt worked out our differences earlier and stuff. anyway its all good.. friends shall be there.. and they shall get us all drunk (hey shaun *wink wink*)....and we shall be fine ;D its a bad thing to leave a relationship.. but it is SUCH a growing experience too. i believe that breaking up with trevor.. or him breaking up with me.. has been such a learning curve and i have become a better person for it and am on the way to becoming the best i can be within myself.. and i think that happens to so many people. as long as u take the positives from it.. not all the negatives Jeebus Donna, it sounds like there's a shitload of similarities between what's happened with you and Trev, and what happened with my relationship! Maybe we should start up a club or something lol. I feel like I've learnt a lot too...That was probably my first really serious relationship and now that I've been through it I'd say I'm a little bit more cautious...Which I don't think is necessarily a bad thing, it's just I wanna be completely sure of my and the other person's feelings before I dive head first into something again. And perhaps taking things a bit more slowly is good idea too lol... Oh, and I want to nominate you to be a Mod for the Love Is Suicide forum. You rock in here! ;D |
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Post by boelsen on Nov 19, 2003 16:45:22 GMT 7
i suppose taking it slow can be a good thing, but do you think one can take it tooo slow?  |
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Post by SPchick on Nov 19, 2003 16:59:26 GMT 7
thats not how it works tiger
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Post by toolgasm on Nov 19, 2003 17:09:42 GMT 7
thats not how it works tiger Wasn't anything official, just my opinion How does it work though? |
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Post by SPchick on Nov 19, 2003 17:14:39 GMT 7
The Mods are picked by the Admins, people who they feel that they can trust with the position. Its not a matter of how often you post in a thread.
Sunky and Bree will be able to give you more information if you want it.
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Post by .honeyspider. on Nov 20, 2003 5:58:49 GMT 7
Jeebus Donna, it sounds like there's a shitload of similarities between what's happened with you and Trev, and what happened with my relationship! Maybe we should start up a club or something lol. I feel like I've learnt a lot too...That was probably my first really serious relationship and now that I've been through it I'd say I'm a little bit more cautious...Which I don't think is necessarily a bad thing, it's just I wanna be completely sure of my and the other person's feelings before I dive head first into something again. And perhaps taking things a bit more slowly is good idea too lol... Oh, and I want to nominate you to be a Mod for the Love Is Suicide forum. You rock in here! ;D hehe thanku thats sweet of u (the mod thing and all) i dont know if its a good or a bad thing that i spend so much time in here and have so much bad/good relationship advice/comments *winks* ;D a club shall be formed for people like us... what shall we name it? anyway back to the topic.. yeh i know what u mean. i have now have well two serious relationships.. one very bad one which i was blind too.. and then there was trev and i.. which i never saw as "bad" and neither did he. i am becoming more and more cautious.. and i think thats only natural u know? u need to cover yourself. but you also need to be strong enough and wise enough to let people in too.. because sometimes when u close up or become too cautious.. you push those away who really wanted to be there for u.. liked u etc. and it is a messy situation. you couldve had another good friend.. or possibly more! anyway i will stop now.. u get the point its cool that we went through such a similar thing.. its refreshing to talk to someone like you .... rather than being a mod here.. maybe i should just write a book on my relationship experience.. it should be interesting... lol ;D  a pm coming yer way toolgasm... ;D |
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Post by AlmostOz on Nov 20, 2003 19:31:26 GMT 7
ive become more bold, not as afraid to put my heart out on a limb.
But then one of my goals in life is to find all there is to know about myself within some moral boundaries.
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Post by .honeyspider. on Nov 21, 2003 7:01:04 GMT 7
ive become more bold, not as afraid to put my heart out on a limb. But then one of my goals in life is to find all there is to know about myself within some moral boundaries. thats great more power to u.. maybe i shoudl try that |
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Post by AlmostOz on Nov 21, 2003 11:23:43 GMT 7
well i think of it as, i will either be made happy by getting someone, or be in the same situation that im in now - happy/content.
so ive got nothing to lose.
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