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Post by .honeyspider. on May 21, 2004 8:17:13 GMT 7
how do you know when a relationship/friendship is over?
how do you know when it's really the "end"..? i was one of those people who tended to hang on to things when i should've been letting them go.. i did it with everything, clothes, magazines, crappy c.ds (hehe) and more to the point.. friends.
i think in the past it was a matter of fear, fear of having no-one or making a mistake by saying "i can't do this anymore, we weren't supposed to be friends" and then finding out i maybe should've stuck it out because i missed them, or they really were someone important to me.
but now, i don't know.. i'm not scared of that anymore so much.. but i still have lingering questions about whether or not i should just let it go or keep trying... with a lot of people. when something bad happens in a friendship or a relationship.. when do u know it's the end?
when you don't care anymore?
(and if that's true then why do some people still stay in contact and even stay friends to some point with those they apparently don't care about)
or can you still care but end it anyway because its too hard and too stressful?
(and if thats true then does that mean you just "gave up" too soon before things got better again and less stressful?)
that's where i'm confused
and also.. can u really start over with a friend? i mean what happens if you had this massive fall out and trust was misplaced and you had no respect for them whatsoever.. then down the track rekindled a friendship with that same person.. sort of "starting over", reintroducing yourselves as people.. could things be really ok between you, ever? have any of you been in situations where you have had a friend lost like that and then found again? is it working? what makes it work? ... have u ever been in a situation where u never really "knew" your friend, i mean they werent being themselves, and then down the track they became themselves and you two started over as such, getting to know the REAL person.. did it work?
shit.. thats a lot of typing.. ugh. my brain hurts!
;D
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stumbleine
blissed + gone
Night Mare
I can dance!
Posts: 723
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Post by stumbleine on May 21, 2004 11:46:22 GMT 7
I don't know when you're supposed to know its the end. In some way you just sorta know. You can never really start over again with friends. You can go back to what you had, but things are different. You know why it didn't work before and can work on it. Or at least attempt to.
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Post by AlmostOz on May 21, 2004 16:28:17 GMT 7
it never really ends its just a continuous life of decisions
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trev
blissed + gone
Posts: 602
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Post by trev on May 21, 2004 16:40:06 GMT 7
Radio Plays What They Want You To Hear, Tell Me Its Cool, I Just Don't Believe It RBF! fucking cool!!!!
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adwah
ghost child
*whir* reformed rebuilt regurgitated
Posts: 21
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Post by adwah on May 22, 2004 16:02:29 GMT 7
well the end is rarely as definite as the begining...
for instace in my rambling experience you never stop loving someone you have loved, be that friend or lover. You simply teach yourself not to think about them and eventually you feel nothing for them. There is something there though. and its love. you just taught yourself not to recognise it as that because of some experience/loss. It hurts when you have done this then realise that in fact you do still love that person, although that love may have changed.
As for friends recently i had a friend hurt me deeply by taking advantage of me and our friendship. we've been friends forever and although no words were spoken about the series of events we both knew how eachother felt. Today i went to see her and now we have in a way started over. one day we'll talk about what she did, but now isn't the time and that has been silently acknowledged.
I guess in summary the heart never stops loving but the mind sometimes must sheild the heart from breaking itself. It is a defined balance that must be reached between living by your heart and living by your mind.
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Post by blue_june_destroyer on May 23, 2004 17:43:24 GMT 7
The end is the end when you have to force yourself to sever the ties that bind you together.
then you know you can't go back and it really must be the end.
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Post by .honeyspider. on May 26, 2004 15:46:15 GMT 7
The end is the end when you have to force yourself to sever the ties that bind you together. then you know you can't go back and it really must be the end. that makes a lot of sense bree.. xox thanks
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Post by Tristessa on May 26, 2004 18:02:27 GMT 7
Sometimes you know or feel its the end but you don't want it to be the end because we are afraid of what might happen afterward or whatever. But sometimes we are better off severing the ties but we don't realise this till after the fact.
Hindsight is so unforseeable (?) sometimes!
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Post by PaRkA on May 26, 2004 18:07:36 GMT 7
Sometimes you know or feel its the end but you don't want it to be the end because we are afraid of what might happen afterward or whatever. But sometimes we are better off severing the ties but we don't realise this till after the fact. Hindsight is so unforseeable (?) sometimes! im so there at the moment its not funny, i want to break up but i dont want to hurt her, and im so used to being with her that im not sure how im goin to cope with her not being there.... its not the best feeling
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Post by Tristessa on May 26, 2004 18:21:17 GMT 7
yes Parka i sympathise but in the end aren't you just hurting yourself?
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Post by PaRkA on May 26, 2004 18:48:17 GMT 7
yeah big time, thats why im so confused, im hurting now, cos im not sure what to do, i know if i choose to leave her im goin to hurt more and if i choose to stay im not goin to be happy either....
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Post by PaRkA on Jun 7, 2004 17:28:48 GMT 7
read above the same still applies, it seems no movement shows no backbone, i wonder why i lay in a heap unable to move..
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Post by AlmostOz on Jun 8, 2004 7:30:12 GMT 7
i had that problem last year, and i broke up with her, but after a month i found that i still loved her and wanted her back. unfortunately for me it was really the only way to find out. kinda like getting to a negotiating table. She was hurting badly at the time, but i had to be selfish, because id given so much to the relationship i hadn't looked after myself. Now she understands that it was worth it because we are better now I mean now we are only 14 days off 2 years! good luck anyway parka with what you decide. Just whatever you do "kia kaha" (be strong) haha yeh, but i don't think i could tell you any other songs by themthese fit on this topic
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Post by .honeyspider. on Jun 10, 2004 6:09:51 GMT 7
these fit on this topic yeh perfect.. i used to hate hearing it.. but after trev let me listen tot he live version.. i love it now... hmm, i don't know if i agree with u on the whole going away and coming baack to the relationship thing... sometimes it works but sometimes, when u break up like u did with ur girl, u dont get that second chance.. and it realy shouldve been "perfect" the first time.. u know what i mean? there is too much hurt involved.. or u can never have a relationship because u cant make up for the past. anyway yes, im glad to hear u guys r doin well tho.. dont let me dampen the mood! hehe
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Post by AlmostOz on Jun 10, 2004 6:34:38 GMT 7
im kinda immune to being hurt badly now. id still be sad if we broke up, but i could pick myself up and move on with life if it happened (which it won't ) people say its because i don't love her much, but i know thats wrong. im happy everytime i see her hear from her, i always want to be with her and do stuff for her, and besides i woulnd't be in it for two years if i didn't, thatd be silly. she moves out of her parents place next weekend yay now i can see her heaps more. i think that hurt and happiness and anger and bliss and knowing someone is all part of love, or its all just part of the fun. (im not saying we fight much, but i don't know a couple who doesn't have arguments) so i had a point, but after writing that stuff i forgot it. so the point of the story is that well, as usual almostoz rambles off topic a lot.
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Post by .honeyspider. on Jun 10, 2004 6:39:15 GMT 7
im kinda immune to being hurt badly now. id still be sad if we broke up, but i could pick myself up and move on with life if it happened (which it won't ) people say its because i don't love her much, but i know thats wrong. im happy everytime i see her hear from her, i always want to be with her and do stuff for her, and besides i woulnd't be in it for two years if i didn't, thatd be silly. she moves out of her parents place next weekend yay now i can see her heaps more. i think that hurt and happiness and anger and bliss and knowing someone is all part of love, or its all just part of the fun. (im not saying we fight much, but i don't know a couple who doesn't have arguments) so i had a point, but after writing that stuff i forgot it. so the point of the story is that well, as usual almostoz rambles off topic a lot. hehe you're so funny... i do that too.. wayyy too much! (ramble and get off topic i mean) there should be a thread for people like us hmm, yeh but i know what u mean, i think what u have sounds great, because it shows even after being hurt, u can still find happiness.. thumbs up to u boy! xox
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Post by AlmostOz on Jun 11, 2004 13:23:04 GMT 7
thanks missy
ive always kinda thought its either stop here, im getting off the bus o'life, or just keep paying the fare and be happy and keep going
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Post by .honeyspider. on Jun 16, 2004 5:43:13 GMT 7
thanks missy ive always kinda thought its either stop here, im getting off the bus o'life, or just keep paying the fare and be happy and keep going hmmm.... yeh.. well as long as you're happy dear.. i'm happy! xxx
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Post by AlmostOz on Jun 16, 2004 8:32:16 GMT 7
This time I need to know I really must be told If it's over It's up to you uou know The things you want to hold Are in pieces Crashing down Crashing down again Crashing down Crashing down my freinds I've got to move it on I've got to sing my song While I still can Dispatch the last alarms Hand out the last few charms There's no surprises Only love Only love can win Crashing down Crashing down again Only love Yeah only love will win Crashing down Crashing down again This time I need to know I really must be told That it's over I've lived my life alone My every step foretold To never linger And yet it haunts me so What are we letting go Our spell is broken Crashing down Crashing down my friends Crashing down Crashing down again Only love Yeah only love will Be enough Yeah only love will win For every chemical You trade a piece of your soul With no return And who you think you know Doesn't know you at all Their drain is needless Someday we'll wave hello And wish we'd never waved goodbye To this romance We'll drink up every line And shoot up every word Till there's no more Crashing down Crashing down my friends Only love Only love can win So cry these tears we'll cry as all We've held so long to fall apart As the curtain falls we bid you all goodnight
beautiful song
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Post by Tristessa on Jun 16, 2004 12:30:05 GMT 7
Thanks for that It is such a beautiful song. I love it how Billy's lyrics mean more as life goes on
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Post by .honeyspider. on Jun 21, 2004 9:15:52 GMT 7
For every chemical You trade a piece of your soul With no return And who you think you know Doesn't know you at all Their drain is needless Someday we'll wave hello And wish we'd never waved goodbye To this romance We'll drink up every line And shoot up every word Till there's no more Crashing down Crashing down my friends Only love Only love can win So cry these tears we'll cry as all We've held so long to fall apart As the curtain falls we bid you all goodnight this whole part here.. well ok... maybe even the whole song.. gives me tingles nicely said or "quoted" oz boy
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Post by AlmostOz on Jun 23, 2004 8:34:36 GMT 7
i can't find a part of the song to quote its just beautiful
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Post by .honeyspider. on Jun 24, 2004 8:29:49 GMT 7
i can't find a part of the song to quote its just beautiful true true... hmmm i was thinking about this whole thing some more.. and "the end" is sometimes the "beginning" of something with the same person.. i mean moving forward and having a "new" friendship or relationship u know? it doesnt always work of course but sometimes can happen that way. and if not with the same person... it brings forth beginnings with new people! so all is not as dark and dim as seems hehe ;D a new scope on things is what i have today.... *happy happy joy joy* dont mind me...
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Post by AlmostOz on Jun 27, 2004 18:12:45 GMT 7
yeh the beggining is the end is the begginning. the end of me and kylie was the beggining of a better me and kylie
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nitrousovercast
blissed + gone
the gloaming
we are accidents waiting to happen
Posts: 465
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Post by nitrousovercast on Jul 6, 2004 18:52:21 GMT 7
i guess this is something i've been thinking about a bit lately. there's sort of two ways for it to go. either you just lose touch with them, like you just can't communicate with them anymore because you've grown etc, or....you or they have done something. what i personally am experiencing is the latter. someone i have been friends with for nearly six years is now acting in a really heartless way, a side i'd known of them but didn't think it would ever be turned on me. (it was online, in person this 'ex-friend' has been reasonably civil...given me a poster, helped me out etc.) now i'm being told to shove my arms in a knife drawer. this person used to be a really good friend of mine (i'm the sort of person who has a few close friends rather than a big group), i guess i just don't understand how someone i used to consider one of my very best friends can start making statements like that. up until then i was wondering if i could ever be as close as i once was to this person. then they say something like that (and start getting all their friends to join in ) and i'm wondering how i ever ended up friends with this person at all. (am i still on topic?) sometimes it can be vague and gradual, but at other times there is something definite that makes you, well, never want to see that person again heh. i guess there is no exact, definite point but sometimes...you just know. you can't really have the same relationship with a person twice. things change and life moves on whether you want it to or not. /inane ramble
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Post by AlmostOz on Jul 7, 2004 9:24:18 GMT 7
nice to see you back nitrous haven't seen u haunting here in a while
i think that sometimes people come into your life so that they can teach you stuff, and once theyve done that they leave, other times you have stuff to teach them and then you leave, and best friends are the people who you are always learning stuff from and teaching stuff to
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Post by .honeyspider. on Jul 8, 2004 7:43:09 GMT 7
i think that sometimes people come into your life so that they can teach you stuff, and once theyve done that they leave, other times you have stuff to teach them and then you leave, and best friends are the people who you are always learning stuff from and teaching stuff to oh my god, i totally agree. that one's going in my journal.. i feel that exact way right now.. and you couldnt have worded it better another tick for nick in the book of happy stuff
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Post by AlmostOz on Jul 8, 2004 7:49:30 GMT 7
im not sure where i got that from, its just a quote that i took from a book or somewhere, but ive always thought it was right. i think its from the magician apprentice by raymond e feist but don't quote me
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Post by .honeyspider. on Jul 8, 2004 8:00:38 GMT 7
im not sure where i got that from, its just a quote that i took from a book or somewhere, but ive always thought it was right. i think its from the magician apprentice by raymond e feist but don't quote me hehe too late i already did im starting a volume of almost oz quotes i love.. heh (yes im bored.. but can u blame me? im stuck inside after having the dreaded wisdom tooth removed )
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Post by AlmostOz on Jul 8, 2004 8:09:49 GMT 7
hehe too late i already did im starting a volume of almost oz quotes i love.. heh (yes im bored.. but can u blame me? im stuck inside after having the dreaded wisdom tooth removed ) aww thats no good honey ..spider im inside because i went out last night, and drowned my sorrows over qld loosing the state of o, and then realised that hey im kiwi so i perked up and realised that i don't have to give a shit and then had a good night listening to pearl jam - alive
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