Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 8, 2005 18:51:15 GMT 7
If someone very dear to you; say, like a best friend, does something that leaves you feeling betrayed and violated, is that something that can be easily overcome? I'm pretty certain that I have been the victim of an invasion of privacy. I know I will have to confront them over it eventually, but it's just so awkward and I'm the one that feels ashamed... *sigh*
|
|
|
Post by psalmblackdecember on Apr 21, 2005 18:53:49 GMT 7
Just coming out of an almost 2 year relationship I know what you mean. It is just this little sick empty feelign where you think you know somebody... but then realise you do not.
|
|
|
Post by Tristessa on Apr 23, 2005 10:34:13 GMT 7
Same Im coming out of a 4 year relationship which ended with him leaving without explanation. I trusted most that he wouldn't do this kind of thing to anyone, let alone me. I feel like i never knew him, and I just wasted 4 years of my life and 4 years of loving.
|
|
|
Post by AlmostOz on May 3, 2005 12:29:13 GMT 7
im sorry to hear that you broke up i hope your ok, but : i doubt that youve wasted four years of your life, and four years of loving because im sure during those four years, you learned at least one postive thing (hopefully more!) about yourself when you are in a relationship, that may help you in the future. sure your cynical now about relationships, but in my experience each relationship ive had has been completely unique, and ive learned heaps from each of them that helps me come up with good stuff in the one im in right now. look on the positive side, youll probably think back to it every now and then for the rest of your life. You lived it so why throw it away completely?
|
|
NathanC
blissed + gone
My heart is an apple.
Posts: 657
|
Post by NathanC on Aug 11, 2005 7:33:05 GMT 7
I just lost my first love. Dang, I don't like it.
|
|
trev
blissed + gone
Posts: 602
|
Post by trev on Aug 11, 2005 10:03:01 GMT 7
If someone very dear to you; say, like a best friend, does something that leaves you feeling betrayed and violated, is that something that can be easily overcome? I'm pretty certain that I have been the victim of an invasion of privacy. I know I will have to confront them over it eventually, but it's just so awkward and I'm the one that feels ashamed... *sigh* Is it really complicated? Because the first thing that hits me about your post is how you feel ashamed, which it shouldn't be. I think you have to take the high ground. Forget about working out why it happened or seeing their side of things, if they did something majorly wrong then it is up to them to take the initiative to save / apologise for it. You have every right and should dismiss them and move on. As tough as that is, it's best in the long run. If you let people treat you bad they will. The only way to avoid future occurances is to be harsh, especially at first. But don't feel ashamed, as i said unless it's complicated with other things you really shouldn't do that to yourself.
|
|
|
Post by SPchick on Aug 11, 2005 10:08:50 GMT 7
Trev, we once had a discussion about this kind of thing, and your above post is pretty much what I was saying, and you were disagreeing with me, saying that I should give people more chances.
I was just wondering whats made you change your tune?
|
|
trev
blissed + gone
Posts: 602
|
Post by trev on Aug 11, 2005 10:26:15 GMT 7
Maybe i wasn't clear. I'm all up for giving people chances, millions, and hearing them out, but what i was talking about was who should feel to blame, or who should make the effort. if you've done nothing wrong you shouldn't have to make any effort, the other person should. Whether you listen, and how you listen, is where the 2nd chances come in. But I don't think people should crawl back to people that hurt them, which is how some people reflex react. "i hate this, i want it how it used to be, i'll try and fix it" that sort of thing. If you weren't in the wrong and you try to fix it without much help from the other party, then your setting yourself up for a repeat.
But if you let them come to you (if they decide to) it lets you know that they care, they have remorse, and there's a lot more of a chance for things to work out. But i think you need that other person to take the initiative.
From reading into the subtext of the first post i think i could tell that they wanted to hang on if they could, and i think that you have to be carefull to avoid setting yourself up for repeat treatment if you are too keen to hang on / fix it, when the other person isn't reciprocating to the same level.
|
|
|
Post by SPchick on Aug 11, 2005 10:37:35 GMT 7
Thanks for clarifying I agree with you that people shouldnt forgive and forget just for the sake of getting things back the way they were. In my personal experience, if trust is broken, it generally stays broken.
|
|
|
Post by blue_june_destroyer on Aug 12, 2005 7:34:46 GMT 7
But i think you need that other person to take the initiative. That's a cop-out. If we're all waiting for the other person to apologise or make the first tentative steps toward reconciliation, then how would anything ever resolve itself? Somone needs to be the bigger person, whether they're in the right or wrong. I think it's petty to let trivialities get in the way of what could be long-lasting friendships.
|
|
|
Post by *Shard of Glass* on Aug 12, 2005 12:40:46 GMT 7
But sometimes it is better to do some culling with people. If negativity is involved in bringing you down, in a broad sense, you may want to question whether the person is worth the negativity.
I don't know if this is one of those times. But I've been grappling with these ideas with ppl. too of late.
- I guess what I'm trying to say is, you have to look after yourself too. I've been too selfless in the past, it didn't help.
But only you know the details of ur situation.
|
|
|
Post by blue_june_destroyer on Sept 7, 2005 10:48:51 GMT 7
tonight me, my brother and sister were siting at the table, eating diner. my brother and my sister(jarrod and chelsea) started fighting, so my mum through a fork from the kitchen, which missed and nocked a milkshake onto the table cloth. my mum walked over and he said something to deserve a small slap on the back of the head. my mum walked away and he jumped from hes seat and followed her, hitting her fairly hard in the head (he's 13 yr old). he ran to his room and my mum chased his and he fell on the ground, so she hit him and asked him why he had done it, i wanted to eat dinner in peace so i got up to close the door, but realised there was no longer a door because 8 yr old chelsea kicked it in yesterday. i sit back down to dinner, eating quietly, then my mum walks out the door and takes off in her car. my brother goes out to his mates house. my mum rings an hour latter telling me that if the house is not clean when she returns she will leave us here alone for a week. since it is just me and chelsea left, i call jarrod and tell him my mums demands and request his help, his selfish self denied and i was left to clean up this mess for fear of my mum leaving us. Just another nightly happening in my house..................... ergh. I know exactly how you're feeling... having siblings that are making things worse and feeling like you're the sensible on in the middle of everything having to be the voice of reason... *hugs*
|
|